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"Why Me"

From: Toomeyville Gazette, September 1955
Creator: Don Kollar (author)
Date: September 1955
Publication: Toomeyville Gazette
Source: Gazette International Networking Institute
Figures From This Artifact: Figure 1

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How many of you patients often wonder, "Why did this have to happen to me?" I have thought it and no doubt all the rest of you have. Possibly you think you are being punished for your shortcomings and sins of the past. Then you wonder why so much penance for your sins when there are so many despicable characters who commit murder, robbery and other crimes that certainly deserve more punishment than you think the culprits do receive. This kind of thought is poor because it embraces your own little case. If you permit yourself to leave your own predicament behind you for a moment, you will consider the others around you. The adults may seem to be in the same boat as you, but what about the children? I am sure that they are not paying penance for their innocence.

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If you have hashed this kind of thinking around for awhile, then what are your thoughts? If you're the average type of person, you stop wondering and remain bewildered. Maybe you pray. But how do you pray? Like so many that just pray as a routine procedure asking for the sometimes unattainable, or berating God for striking you such a heavy blow? Have you ever thanked Him for that which He has left you with? He has kept you alive and able to propagate without a trace of your affliction in your offspring. Miraculous, I say. I am sure most of you have your sanity -- despite some arguments against that fact by the personnel here. All of you are able to speak, hear and see. Have you considered those who have lost one or the other of these gifts that you take for granted? Some of you cannot reach out and touch your loved ones, BUT, would you give up the faculty of hearing their voices, especially a child's -- or seeing the expressions on their faces? Be honest with yourselves.

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If you are married, do you feel you are such a great burden on your spouse? Granted, it is a burden. But, do you recall that you both pledged "For better or for worse; in sickness and in health." Maybe you should thank God that those who love you truly love you in all sense of the word, and not just when you are able to give them material things.

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If you do not happen to be married, your parents are sticking by you. Sometimes they try to do too much for you and you resent it. Remember, you are still their child, grown up or not, and they want to take up your burden it they only could. Appreciate what they do and let them know it in some way.

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Friends are a disappointment to you because the great number you thought you had slowly become but a handful. Don't be afraid to ask of the real friends, but also do not neglect to give in return. Have you wondered about the therapists who treat you after the nurses and doctors worked so hard to save your lives? The therapists have a long path to travel with you, but they can't force you along it. They need your cooperation. Why do these people work in such a discouraging place? They want to see everyone improve. They want neither public acclaim nor monetary compensation above their salaries for the services they perform, although they deserve much more than they now receive. It is a rewarding work wherein they have the inner satisfaction that they had a hand in your recovery. Perhaps you should thank God for giving them the knowledge and patience to continue to work with you, constantly striving for more improvement. If you think of this, how can you feel anything but shame for the times you were lazy or resented treatment when you knew it was for your betterment? The treatments are not dreamed up in secret meetings to see how much torture you can take! Where would you be without them? A disheartening thing to the personnel is when a person who knows better doesn't care to improve. Even a slight degree is better than none at all!

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You have no doubts about the fact that you are not dreaming. Although sometimes you wish you would be able to wake up from such a dream. Then you realize that it is real and you are here and cannot move. For a long time after this realization you try mighty hard not to face reality, but there comes a time when you know it is up to you to get better. You have a spurt of drive and enthusiasm followed by a smacking in the face by cold, hard reality. This cold fact is that you aren't going to get out of bed suddenly one day and walk home. It is a long-drawn-out affair filled with heartbreaks and disappointments. Are the rewards worth the effort? If you don't think you owe it to yourself, how about those who have faith in you and need you? Nobody can convince you that you are anything but an invalid, but, is your mind paralyzed? No indeed! You can still exercise your mind. You ask, "Of what value am?" You possess your post-acquired knowledge, and there is room in the gray matter for very much more.

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Perhaps you have caught yourself wishing you had died when you were in the acute stage. Why didn't you? God was controlling that, and He saved you for a reason. What reason? I don't profess to know, but certainly not to be a "vessel" to hold hate, resentment, self-pity, and other forms that bitterness takes. In your contacts with people, you can be just as infectious with a smile, a kind word, gratitude, as giving of bitterness. A smile will spread to other people as easily as a frown.

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