Library Collections: Document: Full Text

Bob. -- And is this you my old master and friend? Where have you been? Whither have you journeyed since you were at the plantation?

Major Bell. -- It is indeed me, your old master Bob, and your best earthly friend. -- I have been afar and visited philanthropic institutions -- Asylums for the indigent, ignorant, lunatic, the blind, poor widows and orphans.

Bob. -- Master please explain yourself. -- Asylums! what in the name of the seven stars are they?

Major Bell. -- Well, my boy, you may I listen, and I will tell you. An Asylum is a retreat from the world's cares, a refuge from sorrows. Like the shadow of a great rock to the wearied traveller it refreshes and prepares for duty on the pilgrimage of life.

Bob. -- By whom were they established, and by whom supported and governed?

Major Bell. They originated in the bosom of philanthropy: are supported by private beneficence, and maintained by the public -benefaction, and governed by representative humanity. In Europe and America, they are opened alike for various grades, from the vapourish hypocrandiac to the raving maniac, and are fashionable resorts for "intellectual dyspeptics."

-A knock at the door is heard.-

Major Bell. -- Bob, step to the door, and ask the knocker to walk in, for your master at home.

-Enter Col. Duke.

Major Bell. -- Ah, Col. Duke, I have been waiting your approach this evening, but as I am now engaged in a conversation with my boy, Bob, I beg you to seat yourself, and I will soon be at leisure to attend to you.

Col. Duke, of Ky. -- Don't let me interrupt you by any means, as I am not on urgent business, I will remain awhile with an old and particular friend.

Major Bell. -- Now what was you saying Bob?

Bob. -- I will just tell my master a little story, and then, if he pleases, proceed with my subject:

Master Shackleford's Negro stole some chickens of Col. Sherrod's Toney, and when he was brought to Justice Blackwell, he was asked how he happened to do the act. The act, Massa Blackwell, please and bless your old soul, I don't know, spose, spose, cos I was crazy, I was crazy. It is so fashionable to be crazy, master, it saves many a fellow from the State's Prison and Gallows.

Major Bell. -- A pretty good and rational reason, Bob. The major part of all delinquents in moral duty would doubtless like to render such an excuse at the bar of God and man.

Bob. -- And master are those good men known who endeavour to ameliorate the condition of man?

Major Bell. -- Immaterial to you whether they are or not. Their virtues are allied to Heaven, and are registered there.

Bob. -- But their names if you please master, for I have learned something since you've been gone, and can tell you a little that would surprise you for one so dark as I. I know, my dear and respected master, what Asylums are, and I know you are one of their friends, and Master Calhoun says that my black brethren are less liable to insanity when enslaved than free.

Major Bell. -- Why Bob, you surprise me indeed! I am amazed.

Bob. -- Yes: and Master Calhoun thinks Slavery is a good thing, and Texas annexation a good thing: ah, but too much of a good thing is good for nothing, as the old drunken man said when he was reeling home of a dark night.

Major Bell. -- Well Bob.

Bob. -- And when Missouri was admitted into the Union, a beautiful painting was exhibited representing a Negro dancing, and rejoicing that there was more rooms for the Darkies to breathe.

Major Bell. -- Proceed Bob.

Bob. -- Yes, Sir, and the enlargement of Slavery's domains mitigates the evils, and the Abolitionists! Major, why, if we were all set free we would die off like Frogs in Egypt.

Major Bell. -- But Bob,

Bob. -- My master, the prospect before us is rousing I tell you. Seldom are negroes crazy. Once when Col. Hitchcock's regiment was leaving Florida, a terrible storm swept away nearly all of Port Leon, but one old negro who was out of his head, and who would not be massa when all were gone but he.

Major Bell. -- Truly Bob, and who would not be?

Bob. -- Master, I read in Dr. Rush, from your library, (rest and bless his memory,) he had a faithful African by his side when he went to see the poor, and he said they were his best patients, for the Almighty was their paymaster. President Staughton mentioned that negro in his eulogy, as your library unfolds.

Major Bell. -- You surely do astound me.

Bob -- Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, master, you was so long telling, that I concluded to tell you myself of France and Spain, and of the melancholics of England, and of Italy, but not of Germany, for there the people, like the steamboats, smoking as they go, drive away the Blue Devils by their smoke.

Major Bell. -- Now, Bob, do you tell me so.

Bob -- Ha, ha, ha, master, and there was Mr. Pinel, of France; he dressed up wild beasts, two limbed ones though, and made human beings. Oh master, what a terrible affair to be crazy. The name of that Frenchman surely should breathe through every crevice of humanity.